My Opinions/Experiences with Pregnancy & Childbirth.
Krystle
January 30, 2021
0 Comments
While I've always known that I want kids, it has always been childbirth that is the most daunting, and let's face it - the imagery of women screaming in pain and the possible complications that could lead to death isn't exactly advocate material for having kids. 👀
The main reason I want to pen this down is so I won't forget the more minor details of the whole experience; though, 10 months in, I think I may have already forgotten some. I would have done this sooner (and on my laptop, which is waaay better), but for one, I was almost half finished when I realised you have to manually save the post... 😩 And having a baby really does take up every minute of your day!
So here goes, in bullet form so as to (hopefully) not bore anyone:
--> I was told not to expect my water to break like the movies; where it comes in a gush. Most of the time it's just trickles, they said. Well NOPE, mine came in a GUSH. I had been having braxton hicks for about 2 weeks I think, and just as I laid down in bed to sleep, I felt a cramp and then... WHOOSH. 🌊
It literally felt like that cramp snapped something causing the gush. I jumped out of bed; which woke my husband, and although it happened so fast, I immediately knew that my water had broke.
--> That happened around... 11.45pm. I remember going to the bathroom to clean up (the water kept gushing! It's like having water period), and my hands were shaking from nervousness as I knew this was it. I was going into labour. The part that scared me the most 😫. I called the maternity triage, and anxiously anticipated the contractions.
--> It started off no different than the Braxton Hicks. I wasn't sure if it was contractions or not, so I timed them. I read that you needed to head to the hospital once it was 4mins apart and lasted about... a minute? But then of course, the 'cramp' got stronger and more painful 🥴. To describe it, it felt like someone stabbed my abdomen with a knife and was constantly twisting it. Yup, that bad.
--> I stayed home till I felt like I should head to the hospital. The midwife suggested that anyway. She also suggested to take some paracetamol (which I gladly did and surprise surprise... didn't help! 😪) and have a warm bath. Uhh esscume, my contractions were hurting too much for me to even move, no less haul my ass to the shower 🤦🏻♀️.
--> It took me an hour just to get from the bed to the car, I swear to God. The slightest movement triggered another contraction 😒. When we got to the hospital, I couldn't walk the distance, so hubs had to get me a wheelchair. By then it was a little over 8am.
--> When I was finally in the room, a midwife checked to see how dilated I was. And I was 8cm! She said I was doing amazing (as I haven't had any pain relief up till then). Honestly, as I had no prior experience, by 'dilating', I expected my vagina to be gradually stretched open until it would be eventually like a 'UNLEASH THE KRAKEN' kinda gaping hole 😅😅. But I didn't feel that kind of stretch at all; or maybe I just hadn't noticed 🤭
--> The midwife said I should reconsider having an epidural (a decision I've made my mind up on ever since I knew I was pregnant 🤣), since I seem to be 'doing so well'. But I insisted. Anything to stop the pain!
--> The midwife said I should reconsider having an epidural (a decision I've made my mind up on ever since I knew I was pregnant 🤣), since I seem to be 'doing so well'. But I insisted. Anything to stop the pain!
--> In the meantime, I was given gas+air, aka laughing gas. Sure as hell didn't make me laugh though. 😒😅 It made the pain just a teeny bit better, but more than anything, it just made me drowsy, floaty and sleepy. To the point where when I was injected with the epidural needle, it just felt like a regular injection to me; I was too sleepy to notice much.
--> After the epidural was administered and I gradually stopped the gas, I came out of that cloud of haze. I was literally myself again as I felt no pain. SWEET MOTHER OF RELIEF!
--> I could actually munch on the biscuits and drinks that we brought, and it felt like I was actually just hanging out waiting for baby to pop. I was chatting to the midwife and trainee midwife and pushed when I was told to, as I couldn't feel my contractions save for a teeny, almost not-there rumble-like feeling occasionally.
--> One other nurse began making regular appearance, as baby didn't seem to be coming out, and it's been a few hours. A decision was made that if baby wasn't born by 3pm, I needed help from a doctor to deliver him. Thinking back to it now, it feels worrying, but maybe because I had been foggy on gas before and was currently on epidural, I didn't feel worried at all then. Hubs admitted he was though. I just felt chill the entire time.
--> I ended up needing a ventouse. The doctor came in and explained everything that was going to happen, and back then everything was a-okay for me because I literally felt great about not being able to feel any pain. My legs were held up in stirrups, and I remember thinking that that was how I had envisioned labours to be, judging by all the childbirths in all the movies I've seen. I saw the doctor and nurse/midwife getting everything ready, and couldn't help thinking this is it. It's finally happening.
--> I felt nothing so far when the doctor fiddled about below, which I wasn't complaining about. But then I felt this immense stretch that, if I hadn't tried not to focus on, would have actually felt a bit painful. Then the time came and I was told by the doctor that on his cue, I was to push as hard as I could.
--> I did, and right then, I definitely could feel myself stretch like I've never felt before. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't painful per se, but in that moment, I was afraid that my vajayjay would literally tear open. (Again, THANK YOU EPIDURAL!)
--> I felt something akin to a jellyfish slide out, and then came that momentous cry. Joshua was wrapped in a towel and put on my chest immediately, umbilical cord still in tact. And it felt somewhat... weird. I wasn't a bag of emotions or overcome with any sort of joy. I think I was too much in shock (still) that I've had a baby. I didn't feel that immense love and protectiveness that is so stereotypical and associated with the birth of a child; but I didn't feel negatively either, which was good.
Basically, it was only a day or two later that I actually started feeling that 'immense motherly love' for Joshua. I was absolutely besotted with him.
I was absolutely clueless about how to take care of this helpless living thing, but I'll be damned if I don't try.
For a first time parent though, I have to admit that he hasn't been the easiest of babies. Even now at almost 11 months.
I admit I had (mild) depression in the past and was prepared to experience some form of post-partum depression, but hand to chest, when I say that I've never contemplated suicide so many times in my life and came close to actually doing it... THAT, I wasn't prepared for.
I LOVE my boy and would lay my life for him in a heartbeat; make no mistake. But the challenge and struggle is real. The only thing keeping me sane is an amazing, supportive husband.
So I will keep pushing on.
For me.
For my husband.
For my boy.
,